I’m very sorry for your lost.
Even though there’s no one could really understand your feeling at the moment, please remember, we are all standing by you. Only through the process of “expressing out” that one can go through the process of acceptance: accepting the fact of death but still remembering her goodness in one’s heart.
For me, I often use writing to get through my emotional dilemma; writing for me is a self-recovering process. I know that you like to paint and take pictures, then perhaps thorough transforming your emotion into canvas or photograph, that you will be able to release a certain amount of stress and, eventually, it gives you strength to stand up again. Also, being in the nature and spending more time with the family will give you an inner comfort to get through this.
The purpose for me to write this letter to you is to tell you that I’m also here for you, even though I’m an outsider and shouldn’t be involved in this, but as a friend of you and a lover of your son, I want to offer my support and comfort. If you ever want to share your thought or feeling with a third person (like me), please don’t hesitate to do that.